


star's gaze

by madeofstarlights



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: 2 years after the chimera ant arc :D, Canon Compliant, Comfort No Hurt, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, One Shot, Post-Canon, Stargazing, gay pining ??? kinda? yall know how killua is, i giggled a lot while writing this u have no idea :'), its so fluffy im gonna dieiieieie, minor minor chimera ant arc spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:07:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28977897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madeofstarlights/pseuds/madeofstarlights
Summary: Killua scoffs. “I can’t drop everything just to see you.”“Oh?” Gon wriggles his eyebrow in amusement. “Then why do you always rush here every time I call you?”“I never rushed.”“Not even when the only thing I said on the phone was that Aunt Mito came up with a new salad recipe? Then you showed up on our doorstep in less than an hour?”“Please, I was already in the neighbourhood,” Killua rolls his eyes. “And come on, we gotta appreciate her efforts.”“You don’t even like salad, Killua.”Killua feels his cheek growing hotter under Gon’s teasing eyes (nen. Gon must’ve unconsciously activating his nen again and its aura is hot somehow – no, he's not blushing – shut up!) and clicks his tongue in annoyance. “Fine. I’ll visit more often. Happy?”“Happy,” Gon’s teasing eyes soften as he yawns again and snuggles deeper in Killua’s neck. “Tell me more about the stars.”
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 30
Kudos: 119





	star's gaze

**Author's Note:**

> me? projecting my lifelong desire of stargazing with someone i love while unleashing whatever knowledge i have of stars and constellations and the myths behind it into a fic?? its more likely than you think

“Killua.”

Killua’s senses come alive by the hushed sound of Gon’s voice, but he keeps his eyes shut. Gon’s tone is calm and low, not indicating that he’s in any danger of any sort or if there’s an urgent matter they need to attend right away. So Killua concludes that the boy is just sleep-talking – which he tends to do – and prepares himself to doze back into his sleep.

“Killua,” Gon whispers again and Killua feels a poke of fingers on his arm.

 _Maybe it’s accidental and he’s still sleeping_ , Killua thinks, blindly grabbing Gon’s hand and holding it down. He feels Gon’s hand twitch underneath his own and he lightly presses it down to keep it in place. _If this boy bonks my head again like last time, I swear I’m gonna hog the blanket. Have fun freezing._

Killua hears a soft sigh and thinks that Gon has rolled back asleep when Gon’s hand slips and his body suddenly is being shaken violently. “Killua!”

“What?” Killua shots awake only to find Gon’s excited face hovering right above him, so close that he can see dried eye goops in the corner of Gon’s eyes.

“Come quick!” Gon chirps and leaps off the bed with a trail of blanket dragging behind him, stripping Killua off the warmth he was enjoying. He feels a gust of cold winter air rudely barging its way to the room as Gon opens the balcony door. _How dare he._

“Gon, what the hell? What are you doing?” Killua complains.

Gon gets comfortably settled down on the balcony floor with the big blanket covering all but his head, making him look like a garden gnome ( _an adorable garden gnome_ , Killua thinks before mentally smacking himself in the face because _no! Don’t find him adorable, you’re supposed to be annoyed at him!_ ) and pats the spot next to him, “Just come here! Come on!”

Grumbling, Killua forces himself to roll out of bed and drags his feet to the balcony.

Though of course he’d much prefer warm weather, Killua has always been good with cold. On most winter days, he could even get by with just wearing a thin sweater, much to the gang’s bewilderment (when they hang out together Gon usually came prepared and coddled him with his coat – the dark blue one was usually reserved for him – and layers of scarved, though Killua _doesn’t need it_. Still, he wears them because…. Friendship. Friendship appreciation, yeah. Plus the clothes smell so-pleasantly Gon). But a pair of shorts and a flimsy tank top in the dead of a winter night was a little too cold for his liking.

Killua suppresses his shudder and sits beside Gon. A bit of cold is fine. “What do you want?”

“Look,” Gon points to the sky. “Stars!”

“Fucking hell – you wake me up in the middle of the night, drag me outta my bed and steal my blanket just to look at the _stars_?”

“Hey, it’s _my_ bed and _my_ blanket!” Gon pouts. “I steal nothing.”

Killua’s face twists into something of disbelief. “I thought it’s shared? What, I gotta bring my own bed and blanket every time I visit Whale Island now?”

Gon sighs and cups Killua’s face, pushing it towards the sky and forces Killua to look at the midnight ink. “Shut up and look.”

There are stars. Of course there are stars, they’re on Whale Island, after all. Killua finds his eyes meeting an asterism he’s all too familiar with and bites back a smile, knowing that if his face makes any changes in expression, Gon would be able to feel it with his hands firmly pressed on his cheeks.

“Beautiful, huh? I’ve lived here my whole life but I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing this,” Gon speaks wistfully.

He meant it, Killua knows that. It only takes one look of the boy, with his smile on his face and his eyes leaping from one point to another as if he can never see enough, to see that he’s in awestruck of the tapestry of constellations presenting itself right before them. The expression Gon wears is similar to the one he had all those nights ago, back to the first time Killua got a taste of Whale Island, right before they set off for Yorknew.

So many things have happened since then. With all the shit they’ve been through, that one particular starry night feels like a lifetime ago, and the boys underneath that sky weren’t the same ones as now. But Killua feels a surge of relief washing over him, to see the same bright eyes remaining unchanged. Still as bright and big as ever – they might even be able to forget that time has passed at all if they stay like this forever. Perhaps stepping away from the world, even when it meant being separated for a while from one another, was a good thing after all. Gon might still wake up screaming from his nightmares every now and then, and Killua can’t help but notice that the thin lines of scars running through Gon’s arms never truly fades, but he’s here now. Still laughing. Still the same boy he loves.

Killua’s just glad to be with his best friend. Everything else can come after that.

“Look, Killua, there’s Kon.”

“No,” Killua shakes his face out of Gon’s grasp. “That’s Rigel.”

“Well, _I_ want his name to be Kon – wait.” Gon blinks. “Is that the actual name? You know about constellations?”

“‘course I do. And Rigel’s just the star. T-the constellation’s name is Orion,” Killua stutters as the cold air seeps through his skin. _Oh no_ , he thinks. _Don’t notice it don’t notice it don’t notice it don’t notice it_ –

Gon noticed it.

“You’re cold?” he asks.

“No, I’m fine.”

“You’re cold.”

“I said I’m fi – Oi!” Killua yells as Gon lurches forward, enveloping him in a bear hug and pulls him inside the blanket. He feels the temperature rises by a hundred degrees, _probably_ , though it might just be the blanket. 

It’s totally the blanket.

Killua pushes Gon’s body away from him and screeches, “Get off me!”

“Don’t fight it, it’s warm!” Gon laughs, his body ejected but still keeping his arm gripped tightly around Killua’s shoulder. “Now tell me all about it!”

“About what?”

“The stars! I wanna know more. I’ve seen them since forever but I never knew their names or anything. So you gotta introduce me to them.”

What Gon doesn’t know is the stars are already well acquainted with him, as Killua has told them all about his best friend. But maybe a mutual introduction is finally due, so he smiles and nods, “Okay. Look at the sky again and tell me what you see.”

“Hm,” Gon squints his eyes. “I see… many stars?”

Killua rolls his eyes. “Well, duh. I mean, is there any star that shines brighter than the other? Besides Rigel.”

“They’re all so bright, Killua! I can’t tell the difference.”

“Not with all these dirt, you can’t,” Killua wipes the crust in the corner of Gon’s eyes using his thumb, trying his best to be as gentle as possible to avoid accidentally jabbing him. That wouldn’t be a good time. 

Gon didn’t even flinch. He just got this stupid grin on his face.

Killua clicks his tongue and smears the dirt on the front of Gon’s shirt. “You’re disgusting,” he mocks. Killua doubts it actually does anything but the dirt’s just sitting right _there_ on Gon’s eyelashes.

“Now look. See anything?”

Gon’s eyes widen. “There, on the left?”

 _Well, damn_ , Killua thinks, looking at Gon’s finger that’s pointing at the exact star he wants him to find. _Maybe it really did something?_

“Right. That one’s called Sirius. So shiny, right?” Killua chuckles. “What else?”

“That one?” Gon moves his finger to the upper left side.

“Mm, no. Close,” Killua fixes Gon’s finger to the right star. He can feel new calluses and a dried scar on Gon’s knuckle, but he decides to not press it. It can wait till morning. “ _That_ one. It’s called Procyon.”

“Oh, cool!” Gon beams. “So, it’s like a triangle?”

“Even better,” Killua whistles in delight. “Looks like you lucked out tonight.” 

“Why?”

“It’s a hexagon.”

Gon's face lights up and breaks into an even bigger smile than he had before. “Woah, really?”

“Yeah, see?” Killua traces an invisible line in the air as if playing a game of connect-the-dots with the stars and the sky. “There’s Pollux and Castor, the brothers. Then there, on the upper side. That’s Capella. And there, on the far right side, there’s –”

Killua steals a glance at Gon only to find him already staring at him with his cheeks flushed and a smile plastered on his face. 

“Hey,” he smacks Gon’s temple. “Pay attention!”

“Ow!” Gon yelps, rubbing the spot where Killua hit him with a grimace. _What a drama queen_ , Killua thinks. _I didn’t even hit him that hard._

Killua watches Gon’s eyes wander back to the sky, his gaze following his finger, and continues, “That’s Aldebaran.”

“Cool,” Gon says.

“That one’s yours.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Aldebaran belongs to the Taurus constellation. You were born on May 5th, right?” Killua asks, even though he doesn’t need to ask.

“Right,” Gon nods.

“Right. So you’re a Taurean.”

“I’m an islander.”

“No, idiot, your _sign_.”

“My sign of what?”

“Your zodiac sign.”

“Zodiac?”

Killua can already guess what Gon is referring to, and jests, “No, stupid, not _that_ Zodiac. It’s these astrological signs that everyone got based on their birthdays.”

“Oh, cool!”

“Yeah, and you can see your constellation tonight,” Killua replies. “Told you you lucked out.”

“Where’s yours?” Gon asks, his eyes wandering the sky.

“Mine isn’t here yet,” Killua answers simply.

Gon is quiet for a moment, then Killua feels his shoulder suddenly heavy with the weight of his best friend’s head and the soft dark locks tickling his chin. Gon’s skin feels so warm pressed against his arm, and Killua gets the urge to hold his hand that seems so vacant, resting casually on his thigh. He wonders if the spaces between his fingers are where Gon’s would fit perfectly.

 _For warmth… right_?

Before Killua can move a muscle, Gon speaks softly, “So that’s Rigel,” he points to the star on the bottom left of the horizon.

“Hm,” Killua nods. “The hunter.”

“The hunter?” Gon enquiries.

“Yeah, see –” Killua says, his heart hitches in his throat when Gon lifts his head up and looks at him. The ruffled hair, messy from where Killua’s chin was resting just a moment ago, makes him want to –

 _Shut up_ , he shushed himself. _It’s just Gon._

_And his stupid hair. And his stupid and soft, soft hair – I bet that’s a new shampoo, I’ve never smelled anything like that before. Oh, I bet it would feel so soft if I just run my fingers through –_

Killua clears his throat. “– constellations have stories sometimes. Cool, right?”

“Yeah!” Gon smiles.

“And Rigel belongs to the Orion constellation. Orion used to be a hunter until he accidentally stepped on some scorpion and died.”

“What?” Gon looks baffled, and Killua wants to laugh at his face expression, eyes boggled and mouth agape like that. “What kind of hunter _accidentally_ stepped on a scorpion?”

“I don’t know, shitty ones?” Killua shrugs. “There are a bajillion other versions of the story, but that’s the one I remember.”

“What about the other ones?” Gon’s head finds its way back to nestles into Killua’s neck.

“That one and that one…” Killua trails, pointing at the two of the stars on the lower half of the hexagon. “Are what? Do you remember?”

“Sirius and Porco,” Gon answers almost immediately.

“ _Procyon_ ,” Killua corrects.

“Yeah, that. See, I _was_ paying attention,” Gon scrunches his nose and sticks out his tongue.

“Yeah, whatever,” Killua scoffs. “Anyway, those are from the Canis constellation. Sirius is from Major and Procyon from Minor. They’re Orion hunting dogs.”

“Oh, so they’re still together after they die?”

“Well, yeah, I guess the dogs were unlucky enough to be with Orion when he stepped on that stupid scorpion,” Killua scratches his head. “But hey, at least they’re stars now, right?”

Gon laughs, a bell-like sound on Killua’s ears, and points at two stars located near each other. “What about that one! Castor and Pollux, right?”

“Right!” Killua confirms. “They’re twin brothers. I don’t really remember much except one of them was killed but the other survived and revived them, and they chose to live on as a twin star so that they won’t have to be apart.”

“Oh, I wanna be those stars.”

“Why?”

Gon tilts his head upwards with a huge grin on his face, his hair moves and tickles Killua’s ears. “So I can live forever with you in the sky!”

“We’re not brothers, idiot!” Killua snarls, pushing Gon’s head away only for it to bounce and fall back to his shoulder.

“Not _that_ part, obviously,” Gon rolls his eyes. “I was talking about the won’t-have-to-be-apart part.”

“That’s so embarrassing,” Killua grumbles, spotting a fallen eyelash on his best friend’s cheeks and flicks it away with one swift move.

“Ow!” Gon jolts at the sudden impact. “What was that for? You really don’t wanna live with me forever?”

“No, dumbass, there was an eyelash on your cheek!”

“You could’ve just told me,”

“Fine. There’s another one right there.”

“Where?” Gon feels his face, trying to find any stray eyelash that falls into his cheek.

Killua curls his finger into a catapult and snaps it at Gon’s forehead before the dark-haired boy can react, “Here!”

“Killuaaaa!” Gon whines, falling backwards dramatically while clutching his forehead, wriggling on the floor for a good minute before bursting out into laughter and plops back up into Killua’s shoulder. “You’re mean.”

Killua laughs, brushing a stray hair that falls on Gon’s eyes and tucks it behind his ears. “Moving on –”

“ _Acapellaaa_ ,” Gon sings.

“ _–pellaaa,_ ”

“ _–pellaaa!_ ”

Gon disappears into a fit of giggles and Killua comments, “that was off-key.”

“Excuse you, I was perfectly in tune before you join in.” Gon teases.

“Whatever,” Killua smiles. “But yeah, Capella. Came from the Auriga constellation. It was supposedly the first chariot ever invented. Transportation modes were pretty important back then, I guess, so they wanna immortalize that shit.”

“Imagine if there’s a constellation called _Bus_ or _Train_ ,” Gon ponders. “What about the last one? Al… Aldo…” he yawns. “Aldobera?”

“ _Aldebaran_ ,” Killua corrects and looks at Gon, whose eyes were fixed on the star. There are no more crusty eye dirt or fallen eyelashes, but Killua notices how his eyelids flutter slower than usual. “The eye and the brightest star of Taurus,” he finishes.

“That’s cool,” Gon yawns again.

“I know, right.”

“Killua,” Gon calls, shifting his eyes away from the sky and into the electric blue of Killua’s eyes. With their faces inches away from each other, he can see the freckles splattered all over Gon’s nose. He imagines connecting each dots into each other, forming a constellation of its own, and Killua bet he can kiss it if he just purses his lips.

He doesn’t. He only replies flatly, “What.”

“I–” Gon yawns a puff of breath that feels warm on Killua’s face.

“Just go to bed if you’re sleepy,” Killua retorts.

Gon pulls his knees close to his chest and curls himself to a ball, “‘m not sleepy.’

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you _are_ ,” Killua insists.

“No, I’m n–”

“You’ve yawned three times.”

“I still wanna be here,” Gon says quietly. “I never knew you know so much about the stars, Killua.”

“Never came up in conversations, I guess,” Killua shrugs nonchalantly.

It’s a half-lie. They’ve seen plenty of night skies together, though no sky of stars can ever compare to Whale Island’s. Gon always notes how he loves seeing the sky, cause it makes him feel closer to his home, somehow (“ _it’s like we’re connected, right! Aunt Mito and Abe could also be looking up and see the same sky, even with the time difference and all!_ ”) but he never once tries to name the stars. So Killua never once tries to unleash whatever knowledge he stores in his brain about the space.

“If you like talking about the stars so much, why were you mad when I woke you up?”

Killua turns to Gon, amber eyes meeting blue, and lets out a low chuckle.

Him. Killua. Mad at Gon. As if that’s possible. He wasn’t mad when Gon accidentally kicked him out of his bed at night, making him end up with a sore back and a very bad case of bed hair in the next morning. He wasn’t mad when Gon intended to punch him lightly on the arm only for his then-still-unstable nen to unexpectedly return and he gets launched, crashing into the next room. He wasn’t even mad when all he wanted was to stay by his side without caring about death, but Gon ran off on his own and traded his life for unfathomable power – but that’s an old wound he doesn’t want to reopen. Bottom line is, how could Gon think he was mad over something so trivial like waking him up to see the stars?

Well, okay. Maybe his reaction could’ve been better and he could’ve _not_ cursed at him, but come on. All of that was affectionate! In fact, knowing that Gon cares to know about the stars as much as he does only made his heart swell ten times its size and he gets a ridiculous thought of _oh my god I love you_ in his mind, but Gon doesn’t need to know that.

“Who says I was mad?” Killua nudges Gon in the ribs, and the dark-haired boy’s confused expression breaks into a grin.

“How do you know about all of these anyway?”

“I used to run away from my room at night, when I was little,” Killua answers. Seeing Gon’s expression twisting into something that looks a lot like concern, Killua quickly continues, “it’s alright. Even if they knew, mom and dad never chased me or punished me or anything. They know I won’t really run away.”

Gon’s face relaxes, and Killua speaks again, “anyway, there were stars too. Back in the mountains, I mean. I used to look at them a lot, cause there’s nothing else you could do when you’re bored and sitting on a high tree alone. Then one day, there’s a book about constellations just randomly sitting on my bed,” he reminisces. “I never knew who it was from until… recently.”

“Oh? Who was it from?”

“Gotoh.”

“Oh,” Gon’s face fell, remembering the deceased Zoldyck’s head butler. “I’m sorry, Killua.”

“It’s alright,” Killua smiles. “But… yeah. I was obsessed with the book back then. I used to match up the star’s illustrations from the book to the ones in the sky, and it became my favourite thing to do for a while.”

Killua remembers how fond he was of the constellations, and how it was the one thing he looked forward to at the end of each day – to slip away from his bedroom and climb up the highest tree, sit back, and stare at the sky until dawn breaks. It’s funny. He wants to tell his past self, tiny and scared and vulnerable, who sits there at the tree branch while clutching the book to his heart and dreaming of a future where he’s safe and alright, and tells that little boy that he’s done it. Breaking free, finding a friend, enjoying life, falling in love – he’s done all of it. He wishes he could hug his past self for running away that day.

“Killua,” Gon calls and scoots closer. “You should come here more often. I wanna do this again! You can bring your book next time and we can see your star when it arrives.”

Killua snorts, cheeks warm with anticipation. “What do you mean _more often_ – this is my seventh time visiting this month!”

“Well, then, more often than that!”

“I’ll try.”

“No!” Gon clutches his arm. “Promise me!”

Killua scoffs. “I can’t drop everything just to see you.”

“Oh?” Gon wriggles his eyebrow in amusement. “Then why do you always rush here every time I call you?”

“I never rushed.”

“Not even when the only thing I said on the phone was that Aunt Mito came up with a new salad recipe? Then you showed up on our doorstep in less than an hour?”

“Please, I was already in the neighbourhood,” Killua rolls his eyes. “And come on, we gotta appreciate her efforts.”

“The Mimbo Republic was _in the neighbourhood_?”

_Oh shit, he remembers._

“And you don’t even like salad, Killua.”

Killua feels his cheek growing hotter under Gon’s teasing eyes ( _nen, Gon must’ve unconsciously activating his nen again and its aura is hot somehow – no it’s not blushing – shut up!)_ and clicks his tongue in annoyance. “Fine. I’ll visit more often. Happy?”

“Happy,” Gon’s teasing eyes soften as he yawns again and snuggles deeper in Killua’s neck. “Tell me more about the stars.”

Killua tries his best to ignore the stupid butterflies flying around his stomach. “Uh… every star you see is actually bigger than the sun.”

“Oh, really?” Gon asks quietly.

“Yeah, really. But it looks small because they’re so far away.”

“How far away?”

“So far away that they say the stars we’re seeing right now actually existed in the past and not in the present. We’re sorta time travelling every time we look at a star,” Killua smiles. “Amazing, huh?”

“Mm,” Gon hums.

“I think –” Killua pauses, hesitating on whether or not he should tell Gon about his thoughts. Then he remembers that _yes, yes you should. He cares. It’s safe_. And speaks, “Okay, this is just my personal opinion, _don’t_ make fun of me. But I think that when people are wishing upon a star, they’re not really wishing on the _star_ , they’re wishing that the star could… maybe… carry their message to their past selves? Does that make any sense? You know, so that the past selves could do good and that can affect the future… Maybe our future selves are wishing on a star right now, you know? And maybe… we’ve fulfilled their wishes without even knowing what it is?” Killua ponders, then shakes his head. “I don’t know. It’s dumb, but what do you think – Gon?”

Killua’s suspicion is confirmed – he looks down and finds his best friend, using his shoulder as pillows, snoring softly, his chest rising up and down in a peaceful rhythm – Gon’s _sleeping_.

Killua smiles and gently ruffles the black hair before resting his head on top of Gon’s. The smell of vanilla and papaya on his nose confirms another suspicion: Gon’s wearing a new shampoo. Which smells incredible, so maybe he’ll ask him to give some for himself later.

Gazing at the winter hexagon for one last time, he can’t help but wonder about what kind of wishes his future self entrusts to him. _But right now isn’t the time for that_ , he thinks to himself.

So Killua slips his hand into Gon’s ( _for warmth_ , he tells himself, though there’s something blossoming from his heart that he’s too tired to think about), pulls the blanket closer, and closes his eyes. 

Oh, he’ll visit more often, alright.

**Author's Note:**

> this was so self-indulgence and im crying cause this is everything i wanna do pls ... someone.... come see the stars with me.......
> 
> anyway :') thank u for reading!! im still trying to become a better writer so constructive criticism are welcome and of course kudos and comments and bookmarks are very much appreciated :D come hang out with me on twitter & tumblr (@komacinne)~


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